By Brittany Tiplady
@yellowbird888

I am so excited to be sitting down writing this column, or what I refer to as the lord’s work, after an intense month of celebrity news and SCANDAL.

There’s a few things I am going to gloss over for the sake of brevity (aka, the GRAMMYs, the Oscars, which I personally loved, the leaked dick pics of Jeff Besoz, the Cardi B/Offset breakup and reconciliation, Meghan Markle’s baby shower, etc.), because there are some stories this month that require my full and undivided attention.

We had some technical difficulties in getting this column up last week, but lucky for you, the first weekend of March was STACKED with celeb news that will now be included below.

Here’s what made headlines in February and early March.

Pete Davidson & Kate Beckinsale dating rumours

Back in January, it was reported that Pete Davison and Kate Beckinsale left the Golden Globes together, looking cozy and weird as hell. I mean, excuse me, what? Kate? Are you okay, girl? Truthfully, I think Pete Davidson’s trash vibe is kinda hot but this coupling is extremely odd, no? Anyway, the courtship has been lightly confirmed by both parties through paparazzi interactions and images, and of course, a sassy Instagram clap back comment by Beckinsale.

On March 3, the pair were spotted at canoodling at a hockey game, joined by their third wheel Antoni Porowski. Nothing like a sporting event make out to make things publicly official!

Us Weekly reported that the pair are “having fun together” but live on opposite coasts so don’t count on this fling resulting in a quickie engagement anytime soon! 

Enjoy the Big Dick Energy, Kate. 

Andy Cohen welcomes baby 

The headline speaks for itself! Cohen’s bundle of joy, Benjamin Allen, was delivered via surrogate and arrived earth-side on February 4. Although, not even Andy Cohen is safe from the ruthless and savage parent-shamers of the internet! 

The king of Bravo received criticism for bringing his newborn on a (private) plane, but promptly shut down the nasty comments on Howard Stern’s SiriusXM show, stating: “You don’t think I checked with three f—king pediatricians before?’ “And I flew with a baby nurse.” Apparently, it’s also important that we must know that Cohen has taken a break from smoking weed since welcoming baby Benjamin as a single-father. Cool! 

Jennifer Lawrence engaged

Okay, guys. There is no better time to tell you that I am super not into Jennifer Lawrence. I don’t like the cut of her jib one bit. I will admit that she is a very talented Oscar-winning actress, but she kind of reminds me of the extra-good looking girl in the high school that tried to pretend she was sooo wacky and gross and soooo wild and out there, but also tried to act like that she had no idea how hot she was? I can always sniff out that bullshit. CAN’T FOOL ME, GUYS!

Digressing! It has been confirmed by her rep that JLaw, 28, is engaged to art gallery director Cooke Maroney. Lawrence was spotted front row at the Paris Fashion Week Dior show flashing her $200,000+ rock that I personally feel is kinda boring and no big deal? Congratulations to the happy couple!

Ryan Adams exposed as the trash human he is!

Another human I never cared for! You see, I’m big into emo songs and artists. I have a fucking Bright Eyes tribute tattoo, okay?! But something about Ryan Adams and his music never did it for me, and now I know why: he sucks!

On February 13, the New York times released an incredible exposé titled “Ryan Adams Dangled Success. Women Say They Paid a Price.” The pieces goes on to illustrate the many years of psychological and sexual abuse endured at the hands of Adams by female musicians, including Phoebe Bridgers and his ex-wife Mandy Moore. Since the article was released, Adams apologized on Twitter and then continued to back peddle all the way to asshole-ville.

I think there is no better time to say thank you, next.

The evolution of the Jussie Smollett case

Buckle up, ladies.

Last month, I reported on the hate crime endured by Empire star Jussie Smollett and since then this case has taken a very dark and bizarre turn. 

As a reader, it’s been hard to keep the fact straight on this one. Here are the are the CliffsNotes according to my research and the timeline articles released by the New York Times and the LA Times.

January 29-Feb 1:

• Jussie Smollett, an actor, musician and director, who plays musician Jamal Lyon on the Fox Network show Empire, was assaulted by two men in Chicago on Tuesday, January 29 in the early morning hours.
• On January, 31 Smollett’s family releases a statement
• Smollett releases his own statement, thanking fans and fellow celebrities for their incredible outpouring of support. His acknowledges the loop holes in the investigation, given some “inconsistencies in his story and the little surveillance evidence.”

Feb. 2: 

Smollett performs a sold-out show at the Troubadour in West Hollywood.

Feb 11 & 13: 

• Chigago PD are unhappy with the phone records turned in by Smollett, claiming that they are “limited and redacted. “Police had asked the actor to hand over his phone because he had been conversing with his manager when the incident happened.” 

• On February 13, Nigerian brothers Olabinjo and Abimbola Osundairo are detained for questioning and named as the primary suspects. According to the LA Times, officers raid their home.

Feb 14 &15:

• Jussie Smollett gives his first TV interview on the incident on Good Morning America. 

• It’s been reported that GMA interviewer Robin Roberts, and the surrounding staff had doubts about Smollett’s story.

• According to The Blast, sources say that “some of the people who were in the room during the interview felt the validity of Smollett’s story was ‘up in the air’ after his conversation with Roberts. When Smollett and his team left the room after the interview was completed, there was immediately a feeling among the GMA staffers that something about Smollett’s story was amiss.”
• The New York Times reports that “at least one of the men detained has appeared as an extra on Empire. 

• On February 15, the two possible suspects, Olabinjo and Abimbola Osundairo, are released. It is later discovered that the brothers were extras on Empire and Smollet allegedly paid them $3,500 to assault him with bleach and a noose.

Feb 16-Feb 19:

• The vibe around Smollett’s case completely changes. Twitter blows up with disbelief, disappointment, and confusion. 
• “Chicago authorities say the investigation into Smollett’s case has ‘shifted’ after receiving details from the brothers questioned in the case, though no further elaboration was provided.”
• Smollett’s lawyers release a statement saying “that although Smollett felt ‘victimized’ by suspicions of the attack being a hoax, he would still cooperate with police.”

On February 20, Smollett is charged by the Chicago PD for filing a false police report. Police say that Jussie Smollett staged his attack because he was disatisfied with his salary on Empire. 

February 21-22nd:

• Smollett turns himself into the Chicago Police Department and is later released from Cook County jail on a $100,000 bond. According to the LA Times “he is accused of staging the Jan. 29 attack against himself and for filing a false police report.”
• Folks are unhappy with the press conferences given by the Chicago police department during this case. The Chicago PD has publicly vowed to continue to take every hate crime reported as seriously as they always have, despite Smollet’s case being revealed as a possible hoax. Chicago residents, journalists, and celebrities alike criticize this statement, sharing their own stories of dismissed reports in Chicago. 
• Empire writes off Jamal Lyon, Smollett’s  character is written off the last two episodes of Empire.

This story is still developing

Karl Largerfeld dies at 85

Chanel’s artistic director dies in Paris after a secret battle with cancer. The King of Fashion has been at the helm of Chanel since 1983 and was noticeably missing from the last Chanel show in January. His $200 million dollar estate is said to be left entirely to his cat Choupette.

Lady Gaga and fiancé Christian Carino split

Gaga just can’t resist a Bad Romance. According to Cosmo, the extremely odd couple Gaga and Carino were “hit with speculation that their relationship was over in mid-February, when Christian failed to attend the GRAMMY Awards with Gaga.” After headlines broke, PEOPLE magazine and Gaga’s rep confirmed that their relationship was over adding that “it just didn’t work out. Relationships sometimes end. There’s no long dramatic story.”

Obviously, the long dramatic story being the intense speculation that Gaga and her A Star Is Born co-star/director Bradley Cooper are doing it, having a real-life love affair, which is the perfect segue into my next discussion.

Are Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper getting their bang on?! The jury is still out, but if you were witness to their magical, steamy, and truly brilliant Oscars performance of Shallow (I’m not biased at all), then you might be like “yeah, they’re totally fucking! And they are probably fucking all the time! Maybe even right this moment!” Coincidentally, the Internet 100 per cent agrees with me, but Gaga squashed the rumours on Jimmy Kimmel last week saying that her and Cooper rehearsed their performance for a week leading up to the Oscars night and it turns out the jokes on us: of course they want us to believe they’re in love. Shallow is a love song after all. But personally, I do not believe that TRUE CHEMISTRY AND CONNECTION and can boiled down to a well-rehearsed performance, but maybe I’m the one off the deep end? At this point, I’m just a Gaga x Cooper nutcase, and I know it’s immoral but we all have our things.

But guys, what must be discussed is Irina Shayk’s Oscar performance. Cooper’s longtime girlfriend and baby mama, who probably cannot fucking wait for award season to be over, kept a brave and v professional face while sitting in between Gaga and Cooper all evening. Personally, she won my Best Picture vote.

Luke Perry dead at 52

I am VERY SAD ABOUT THIS! Luke Perry suffered a massive stroke last Wednesday, and had been hospitalized after 911 was called to his home in Sherman Oaks that day. He passed on away on Monday surrounded by his family and close friends.

Celebrities have been taking to Instagram and Twitter, sharing their condolences, lovely sentiments and fond memories of Perry as both an actor and a human.

The CW Riverdale Instagram page released an official statement on Monday. Riverdale production will be paused until further notice.

RIP Luke Perry.

For the Kardashian-haters of the world, the article ends here! Thanks for tuning in. Can’t wait to bring you the celeb goods next month.

The Khloe Kardashian, Tristan-Third-Trimester-Thompson, and Jordyn Woods Drama

Okay, guys. I saved the mother load of celebrity gossip for last. We’re not even half way through 2019, and I firmly believe that the biggest celebrity scandal has already reared it’s head and it’s shady juicy as hell. Let’s get into this, shall we?

As we all unfortunately know too well, Tristan Thompson, baby daddy and now ex-boyfriend to Khloe Kardashian, has what The Cut has effectively coined as “wandering dick disease.” Last April, just hours before Khloe gave birth to their baby, Thompson made headlines as videos and evidence of his serial cheating behaviour surfaced and set fire to the Internet. Khloe, for better or worse, took his sorry ass back, and the pair have been mending their relationship for the past 10 months. Or so she thought!

Before we get into the worst love triangle of all time, allow me to introduce Jordyn Woods. If you’re unfamiliar with the Kar-Jenner World, Jordyn is the best friend to Kylie Jenner and has been since their early teens. But this is no ordinary BFF friendship; Kylie and Jordyn have a bond that I personally find strange, but has been dubbed by the Internet as #goals. For a long time now, Jordyn has been living in Kylie’s guest house, driving Kylie’s cars, taking care of Kylie’s baby, flying private, ya know, reaping the rewards of being best friends and practically family, with a 21 year-old billionaire.

Jordyn is a model in her own right, and has ventured into entrepreneurship, starting her own fitness line called SECNDNTURE. Jordyn’s mom, Elizabeth Woods, is D-level Kris Jenner, meaning she is a fellow mommager, hustlin’ her kids for that 10 per cent within her company, Woods Management Group. She also loves selfies and hashtags every photo with #teamigotthis. I feel that this is CRUCIAL information that has been very under reported, but don’t worry because Detective Brittany is THOROUGH and on the case. I will get into the meat of this later!

With the help of Cosmo, here is everything you need to know about this very wild and very suspicious cheating scandal that has taken over the Internet in true Kardashian fashion.

Late 2018-early 2019:

• The Khloe x Tristan cheating scandal and birthing episode has aired on KUWTK and it’s rumoured that the pair are secretly no longer the together.
• Khloe’s Instagram vibe changes –she starts posting a lot of sad and/or motivational quotes about self love, etc.

February 19: “The Devil Works Hard but Kris Jenner Works Harder”

• Kris Jenner tips off Harvey Levin TMZ releases breaking news that Khloe and Tristan are over because, drum roll, he allegedly cheated with Jordyn Woods at a party he hosted late Sunday night.
• Apparently, Jordyn arrived at Tristan’s place (also very sus, that he has his own LA home separate from Khloe, seeming as he spends most of his time in Cleveland where he plays for the Cavaliers), after night out for a little after party. Phones were confiscated from all guests with Jordyn as the exception. The two were spotted getting cozy at the party but the details are murky. Some reports say that Jordyn and Tristan were openly making out, some say that she was giving him a lap dance, others say she stayed behind as the guests left.
• Tristan tweets “FAKE NEWS” shortly after the news broke, before promptly deleting the lie.

February 20:

• Khloe as well as her BFF Malika Haqq, and Larsa Pippen comment on Hollywood Unlocked’s Instagram post, seeming to confirm that news.
• Apparently, the Hollywood Unlocked dude was at the party, but I am still very confused as to why and how a celeb gossip Instagram person was an intimate after party on a Sunday night?

• According to Cosmo, “Us Weekly then reports that Khloé confronted Tristan and Jordyn after hearing about the hookup from friends, and despite their alleged agreement to deny the story, Tristan admits that it’s true. Jordyn initially tries to deny it, but she eventually fesses up too.”
• A whole bunch of Instagram unfollowing happens between the Kardashian clan and their new enemies.

Feb 21-26:

A lot happens in this timeframe that is both uninteresting, and VERY COMPELLING.

• Kylie Jenner, who I think we can all agree has it pretty rough in this situation, remains silent on social about the drama. “But according to People, she’s cut Jordyn off completely and kicked her out of her house. Jordyn has reportedly moved back in with her mom.”
• The prices of the Kylie x Jordyn collab are slashed on Kylie Cosmetics.
• Campaign photos for Good American, Khloe’s denim line featuring Jordyn Woods are removed from the website.
• It goes without saying that the Twitter and Instagram comments fired at Jordyn and Tristan are absolutely bonkers.
• According to Cosmo, “TMZ reports that Jordyn said she was ‘blackout drunk’ during her hookup with Tristan and “started crying when she was told what she did.’ However, a source tells People that the Kardashians aren’t buying her story.”
• Some reports say that Jorydn and Tristan have been having an affair for over a month
• Khloe breaks her Twitter silence
• Khloe, Kourtney, and Kendall gather for an extra-thotty photoshoot

March 1:

• Jordyn Woods is the guest on Jada Pinkett Smith’s Red Table Talk
• In the words of my friend Alison, “the tea is lukewarm at best.”
• Jordyn, I will say, looks extra beautiful. Jada introduces her as one a very close family friend. Jordyn’s late father worked with Will on Fresh Prince and their families have remained close ever since.
• Will Smith (although, I really do love him!) makes a corny FaceTime cameo that has nothing to do with this segment.
• Essentially, Jordyn tells her side of the story, which basically goes like this: “I’m a 21 year-old Hollywood socialite and celebrity (true and fair!). I was drunk after a night out and went to an after party at Tristan’s. This felt fine and safe because I know him (still fair, but also cringey?). We were all hanging at the party and I wasn’t aware that everyone else’s phones were confiscated except for mine (lie!). I wasn’t giving Tristan a lap dance, I was sitting weirdly on the arm of his chair! (WHAT?!). I left the party with the rest of the gang–at 7 AM-and when I was on the way out Tristan magically kissed me! (Don’t buy it). I called Khloe to tell her the next day that I had been at his house, but all was kosher (more on this later). I didn’t tell Khloe that I kissed Tristan. I also know that I shouldn’t have been at Tristan’s house in the first place.”

• Jordyn says that she has apologized to Khloe but denies the affair and sex rumours.
• Naturally, social media is a shitstorm.
• Personally, I think this was a tacky AF PR move on Jada and the Woods Management Group end.
• Khloe has a Twitter moment and loses her GD shit and then corrects herself the following day.

To be continued! But I’ll leave you with my thoughts: Now I don’t mean to go crazy-conspiracy-lady on you, but personally think this ordeal is an inside job, but maybe not at the hands of Kris Jenner. MAYBE, Elizabeth Woods is tired of her daughter being permanently attached to the Kar-Jenner celebrity, and pulled a KJ, planting the seed of this story herself to sabotage Jordyn’s relationship to the family, and essentially build her own independent fame?? If my suspicions are true, then holy damn did Mrs. Woods make one big boo boo.

That’s all I have for this month! We’ll see you again next week with hopefully more tea to spill.

Brittany Tiplady is a writer, editor, former ballet teacher, and the co-founder of Loose Lips Magazine. She loves the indoors, fast wifi, collecting maps, and a generous glass of red wine. She’s a self-proclaimed wizard of time management and a notorious loud talker with a penchant for all things Internet and pop culture.