Whether I wanted to shake some first date jitters, head to a networking event or prep for a job interview, I would turn to the TED Talk “Your body language may shape who you are.” You’ve probably seen it, it’s the one about power poses, and with over 19 million views on YouTube it is one of the most popular TED Talks of all time.
In her talk, Amy Cuddy references the old adage, fake it ‘til you make it, but with the twist of fake it until you become it. This line, which used to leave me misty-eyed and inspired, now falls flat.
Cuddy shares the story of how feigning confidence after coming back from a head injury led to her success at an ivy league school, with her eventually teaching women students to do the same. She highlights confidence as the key to “make” it, but watching it back now I can’t help but question what exactly it is that we are trying to “become.”
In the almost decade since the original talk, Cuddy’s research has been scrutinized. But, putting the empirical validity of her research aside, it is undeniable that her ideas spoke to people. The popularity of this beautifully simple idea — that our body language can improve confidence, which in turn leads to success — is indicative of how much our society prizes confidence.
There is the implication that because we all have access to power-posing, we can all be confident, and therefore control our success which is untrue. This “just do it” mentality largely ignores the reality of systemic barriers when it comes to confidence.
Writers Ruchika Tulshyan and Jodi-Ann Burey recently addressed how systems of oppression such as xenophobia, classism, sexism, and racism are not considered when we label a lack of confidence as imposter syndrome in their article “Stop Telling Women They Have Imposter Syndrome” for the Harvard Business Review. They identified how we often falsely associate confidence with competence. More so, we are taught to value one type of confidence which is typically straight white man confidence characterized by risk taking, independence, boldness, directness, and aggression. Tulshyan and Burey write that “the same systems that reward confidence in male leaders, even if they’re incompetent, punish white women for lacking confidence, women of color for showing too much of it, and all women for demonstrating it in a way that’s deemed unacceptable.”
While I do believe there is space for the style typical of white male leadership, the problem is that this is just one expression of confidence, and it is one that is currently over-represented and over-valued. As a result, we miss out on the range of creative expressions, talents, and contributions offered by the many people who don’t fit into this narrow box. When we make the issue about a person’s lack of confidence, or “imposter syndrome,” important efforts are taken away from changing the problems in the environment that would provide more people the opportunity to flourish.
We also run into issues when we view confidence as all good, and self-doubt as all bad. Why do we have to fake it till we make it? What is so bad about being in a phase of learning? Why do we have to pretend to be sure, even when we are not? Why can’t we embrace not knowing, or you know, knowing some things and then asking others for input?
The best leaders I’ve ever experienced are those who consider other perspectives, who apologize when they screw up, and who are honest about their own struggles. True confidence can be expressed in a multitude of ways and comes from making space for our own humanity (this includes things like making mistakes, showing vulnerabilities, and expressing uncertainty). It is more about authenticity than it is about outspokenness, because being the loudest voice in the room is really just about volume. The type of confidence I want to see is one where we carry a deep trust in our personal gifts and inherent value — and we extend that same compassion to others.
For more people to show up as the fullest, most confident version of themselves, we need to create environments where more people know it is truly okay to be who they are, and that you won’t be pushed aside or punished because of your skin colour, neurodiversity, or what size pants you wear.
We have to be careful not to try to mold others into a reductive template of what we think confidence is, and instead open ourselves up to many effective leadership styles and valuable talents.
Self-doubt, in moderation, can be a helpful trait. Without occasionally questioning your decisions, feelings, or beliefs, your behaviour will be ruled by arrogance or delusion. No one person is infallible, even if they are in their superhero pose.
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