Ask Kate: Vol 2

We’ve asked our friend Kate Belton to get drunk and answer your questions. Expect honesty. Expect crazy.

By Kate Belton
@k8beee

Please note: Kate’s drunk advice  does not reflect the views of those at Loose Lips Magazine. Reader Discretion is advised.

Dear Kate,
I like my job and coworkers most days, but like any job, it can also be a nightmare. I have an interview at our biggest competitor next week, whom we shit talk often, but the pay is a lot higher. If I get the job, how do I handle things with my current job so I don’t burn all my bridges? Am I selling out?

Sincerely,
Jobs on Jobs

Dear Jobs,
Okay, a big part of having a job interview is not screwing it up, and actually getting the job. So you’re gonna want to start with that. If you get the job, and they offer you more money, you take that job, regardless of the company, because money is literally all that matters. When you tell your coworkers you’re moving on, you’ll want to be very sensitive and professional. Say something like “To Whom It May Concern, it is with mixed feelings that I tender my resig…JK LOL I QUIT!! I’M GONNA MAKE SO MUCH MONEY!! HAVE FUN BEING POOR AT THIS SHIT COMPANY, DUMMIES.”

Because really who needs bridges? They’re not of this time. Get a boat, you sellout.

Dear Kate,
I started seeing a guy a few weeks ago, and things are going well. We’ve had some great dates and he’s a really nice guy. But, I’m going to New York on vacation and was planning on spending time with a guy I met there a few months back. Should I take a bite in the Big Apple despite budding romance at home? Or am I a monster who only likes NY guy because there’s no commitment?”

Sincerely,
Which Way Do I Swipe?

Dear WWDIS,
Aw, you poor thing. What? You’re dating two hotties AND jet-setting to NYC on glamorous vacations? CALM DOWN, PARIS HILTON. I’m sorry for yelling, but do you have any idea how lucky you are? Right now, millions of girls are sitting at home, no dates, no NYC. They’re laying on their bedroom floor because the bed is covered in dirty clothes. They’re braless, and wearing pants only a mother could love. These girls are cruising Pinterest for low-calorie baking ideas while simultaneously eating cheese and halloween candy they bought for trick or treaters, and are now going to have to replace before Halloween. When you have a guy interested in you, you grab onto him and you don’t let go. You need a man. You need a baby. You’ve got a chance with two guys right now, don’t you dare blow it.

Kate belton

Kate Belton is a stand-up comedian who is currently attempting to navigate through her late 20s to become a grown up. If her mom asks, it’s going GREAT.