Hey Loose Lips readers, we are Brittany and Nicole (Nicole is a new Loose Lips contributor, give her a warm welcome), and we are two girls who, like all girls, have had some outrageous comments thrown at us by the opposite sex.
Nicole (@nicgaudet ): As a 22-year-old queer girl, I’ve had too many boys who treat me like Google for their unwelcome questions regarding my sexual orientation. As a side note, I’m stupidly good at board games and I’m very wary of any male who isn’t in the form of a household pet.
Brittany (@yellowbird888 ): Now that I am a well-seasoned adult (25 IS well-seasoned in my opinion), and marrying a male-feminist extraordinaire, it’s almost comedic to look back at my old flames and think of the ridiculous things that were said to my young, fragile self. Then I realized that a lot of the most ridiculous things said to me came from near strangers. Here is a walk down memory lane.
1. The unsolicited body comments and “You’d be hotter if…”
Brittany: This is one I got alllll through elementary and high school: “You would be way hotter if you straightened your hair.” Seriously? What the fuck.
Nicole: A really lovely boy took one look at my arm hair and told me, “You need to shave these.” They keep me warm in the winter. Also, fuck you.
Brittany: After arriving back to South America after 4 months apart to see my long-distance lover, he shouted at the airport after grabbing my hips, “you finally got skinnier!” *Insert wide-eyed emojii*
Nicole: At the end of the school year, a boy who signed my yearbook handed it back to me signed with “you’d be hotter if you had bigger boobs.” Amazing. If only.
2. The female body is a complicated temple and sometimes, boys just don’t get it
Brittany: Oh! I love this one! Once, I was sitting crossed legged on a sidewalk, in shorts, when my ex-boyfriend ran his hands on my dimpled thigh and said (with genuine concern), “what’s wrong with your legs? Are you okay?”
Nicole: As (mostly) all women do, I have inner thigh stretch-marks. While waiting for the bus on a hot summer day, my dude pointed at mine and said “What happened? It looks like someone scratched you.” I guess he doesn’t know that thick thighs come with some killer tiger stripes.
Brittany: I really appreciate their general concern. It’s endearing really.
3. The interrogation game
Brittany: I really hate the “what do you do for fun” questions at a new job. Like, I don’t know? I like to binge watch TV shows and creep Instagram? Let me live! Anyway, during one of those horrifying conversations at a new restaurant job, I stumbled on my answer and my manager, with pity in his eyes, said to me: “you really should think of a better answer.” Determined to own my next ”what do you do for fun,” conversation, at my next shot I proudly announced that I was in the midst of starting a badass online female publication. The pity eyes struck again: “Do you have obsessive compulsive disorder? You talk about your business a lot.”
You win, douchey manager.
Nicole: I was out one night, when I made eye contact with a dude who then grabbed me by the arm and pulled me over to him to ask “What’s your story?” When I took my arm away and told him he couldn’t touch me, he proceeded to get offended and called me a bitch for not immediately spilling my life’s journey to him. Ah yes, as a woman who does not want to be touched without her permission, I’m definitely the bitch here. You right homie.
4. The cringe factor
Brittany: I went on a date with a dude who gave me his number while I was working during my Shoppers Drug Mart cashier days. I told him over Coronas that I am half-Peruvian. He kept trying to say Spanish phrases the whole night. I cannot begin to measure the amount of cringe.
Nicole: I asked a guy if he was a feminist and he said “No, I’m an equalist.” I’m sorry, what do you think feminism is? I guess it was better than him being a Meninist. Though, not by much. Oh! He also told me that it’s possible to be racist towards white people. Bye.
Nicole Gaudet is an alien obsessed, witch cackling weirdo. Her one rule of being friends with her is to pay attention to every dog she points out to you. Yes, she is quite aware it gets annoying. She doesn’t care.
Brittany Tiplady is a part-time poet, and a full-time goat cheese enthusiast. She loves the indoors, fast wifi, collecting maps, and a generous glass of red wine.